Undecided Love(Barky)

[~Beechflight~]

A blue-gray she-cat walked through the clearing on an early morning, with many things on her mind. She padded into the warriors den and saw Breathwhisp right away. Dreamstep went over to him, careful not to disturb the other sleeping warriors, and meowed quietly,"Breathwhisp, I need to talk to you. Now." She wasn't sure how she was going to tell him what she needed to, but it had to be done. She couldn't avoid it any longer. That would only cause more pain and suffering.

[Barketh]

[yellow]The tom was nestled comfortably in a circle of moss, eyelids half shut as his breathing slowed. He was content at the moment; the sun cascaded through the fern drapes, warming him yet not so bright that it stung his eyes. Purring in satisfaction, he snuggled deeper into his bed. Barely aware of the sound of pawsteps, he wondered if another warrior had decided to sleep off the morning. A sweet, familiar scent hit his nose, and he smiled softly as he thought of Dreamstep, one of his clanmates.
Dreamstepp... Wait, Dreamstep?
Jolting upright, he blinked in confusion, squinting through the light as he spotted the she-cat at the den entrance. He was barely picking up on her words, and he had to mentally shake off the dreariness he had received from sleep.
"Sure..."
He meowed, stretching as he stood upright and walked over to the she-cat. He wasn't sure what it was she wanted, but he couldn't help but feel slightly warmer inside at her presence. She had a habit of making him smile more than any other cat could.
Yawning, he flicked his tail and grinned at the she-cat.
"So, what is it?"

[/center][/yellow]

[~Beechflight~]

"Ok well I don't really know how to put this but hear goes. I like you and you might like me. I don't know. But I also like Palefur. I hope your not mad. I know I said I could be your mate, but I don't know if that will happen in the end or not." Dreamstep blurted it all out before she could think. She hoped Breathwhisp wouldn't be mad, but he probably would.

[Barketh]

[yellow]The tom continued smiling, not immediately taking in what the she-cat had said. However, after the words left her mouth, a silence seemed to echo in his head, and he wasn't completely sure what to make of it. Blinking, he laughed softly, tilting his head to the side despite the dull feeling inside him.
"Oh, well... That's alright. Palefur's a great cat, and as long as you're happy... Then so am I."
Though a purr came with his words, he could already feel the hollow carving inside him, and it felt as though chips of his insides were crumbling, clattering to the floor as though his heart was caving in.
Ahh... That's right. I remember this feeling.
A stormy night, so different from that morning, yet still fresh in his memory. Screaming for someone... Who was it again that he was calling for? Oh, yes, his mother. Rain, mud, the roaring of the wind...
I was called Smoke back then... It seems so long ago...
The searing pain that burned like fire when the branch pierced his eye. The sickening darkness that had enveloped him, and while he'd pleaded for death to come, the pain had remained, and he'd been unable to sleep through the agony.
A shudder inside him- the cold rain dawned on him, and his smile felt like it was breaking, yet it remained frozen in place as he looked at the she-cat.
That she's important to me, and that I'm losing another vitality... How fickle of me...
A crash. He could hear it ringing in his ears. While he was looking at the she-cat, he wasn't seeing her; rather, he was seeing the dark sky wrapping around him, the icy shards of water slicing through his pelt, the overwhelming agony, and the night he could not escape from.
I see... So it's supposed to hurt this much...
Still, that same smile never broke. Maybe he'd grown accustomed to keeping it in place, or perhaps he was too stricken to remember that he shouldn't be happy. On the outside, he knew his eyes were shining, because he was truly glad that the she-cat had figured out her thoughts. Yet inside, he was shattering- unwilling to let go of what he had already lost before.

[/center][/yellow]

[~Beechflight~]

"I'm sorry, I really am. Especially if I upset you." She hoped she hadn't hurt his feelings too much. She wanted to turn around and and go hide somewhere, like a kit, but she couldn't. She had to remember that she was a warrior now, not a kit. But she sat there ready to take anything Breathwhisp would say to her.

[Barketh]

[yellow]Forcing himself to swallow despite the dry, aching in his throat, he shook his head and smiled at her.
"No... I'm sorry; for putting this on you. The decision was your's in the first place; besides, I'm sure there's happiness out there for everyone."
He was purring, eyes flickering. And yet, he hated his own false words. If he could be honest, if he could tell her straight-forward everything she ment to him, maybe she would see that he would do anything to stand by her side; maybe she would want to stand by his.
But that wasn't him. He would continue wearing that fake smile; because that was the only way he knew how to deal with the pain. He'd taken the blows from the storm, and he could take this too. But nonetheless, he hated his own inability to express himself clearly, even to the cat he had grown to love.
After all... What wound never left a scar?
A raw bitterness seemed to fill him, but he bit back at it until it subsided. He didn't want to hate Palefur, he didn't want to be jealous. But even more so, he didn't want to hate Dreamstep, the she-cat his heart had fallen for, and he wasn't going to allow himself to despice her for dropping what he had believed she would catch.
"Really... It's fine..."
He meowed, and he was shocked when he heard his own voice shaking slightly. Cutting off his own words, he remained silent for a while before turning around so that his back was facing the she-cat.
"Well... I should probably go hunting or something... Otherwise I'm pretty much just a dead-weight."
He laughed weakly, and his own words fell empty in the air as his smile began to falter.
Just a little longer... Please... Just until I get out of camp; don't let anyone see me like this.
He was already losing control over his own emotions, and he hated himself more bitterly than ever before.
"Well... I'll be going now... Don't worry about it Dreamstep; everything'll turn out alright for you."
For you... I'm pathetic...
He was already trotting out of camp, waving his tail at the she-cat, a light bounce to his step as though he were genuinely happy. But he could already feel the smile falling, and he was glad that he was out in the forest; away from her, so that she couldn't see the facade that had shattered to reveal the shivering kit inside.

[/center][/yellow]

[~Beechflight~]

"Would you mind if I came with you? I need something to do and I wouldn't mind spending some more time with you. Unless you want to hunt alone." Dreamstep hoped that he would let her come along so she could ask him question and other things. She had to get this over with and choose a mate. If she had to choose then, it would probably be Breathwhisp because she had known hi longer and was closer to him.

[Barketh]

[yellow]The tom stiffened slightly at her words, but he managed to turn and face her. Smiling, he shrugged. He was disappointed, though he wasn't completely sure what it was about. Still, he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to accept the she-cat. He still wanted to be her friend; more than anything, but he no longer felt the same warmth he'd felt before when he looked at her. Rather, it was the same emptiness of feeling torn and then being stitched with false threads.
"Actually... I think I'm going to go alone this time... I just need to think about some things, you know? Like.... How wonderful the day is!"
He meowed, forcing a wide grin as he flicked his tail at the sun.
I won't come crawling back... I'm tired of being broken... So maybe this is better.
He could already feel the hollow shell crumple as the dried crumbs thuddded to the ground, and a soft breath blew the pieces into dust. He was tired of running; this time, he wouldn't turn away. His smile died slightly until it was softer, and for a brief second, it almost seemed that both his eyes were glowing, as though the other had never been blinded. But the moment ended and he turned and walked back into the woods, a strange feeling of incomplete satisfaction in his heart.

[/center][/yellow]

[~Beechflight~]

"Oh alright. I'm sorry I upset you." Dreamstep padded away without waiting for an answer from Breathwhisp. She knew she had upset him and couldn't bear the pain. She run, in the direction of the forest. She ran until she didn't have any energy left. She layed down and bawled like a kit. She didn't care if another cat came along. It was her fault that she caused this pain and now she was paying for it by hurting her self, knowing that there would be a cat with a broken heart, no matter if she chose Palefur or Breathwhisp. She couldn't handle it. She sat there and cried, waiting for the tears to dry up, thinking that they would probably never stop.

[Barketh]

[Hmmm... I know it's really late for me to say this, but would you say this thread is finished? It was mostly to get all the feelings out. =)]

[~Beechflight~]

OOC: Yeah, sure.

[Barketh]

[Mkay. ^^
Thread Closed.]