Shattered Souls [Hawky, Open]

[Barketh]

[maroon]A dark mist had shrouded itself amidst Shadowclan's depths. Cold, wet dew hung in the air as dark clouds rolled overhead, obscurred by the dark tree-tops. A dead silence hung in the air, as though the whole forest was waiting for the next onslaught of rain. The storm had been dreary, always encircling Shadowclan territory.
The she-cat had been watching it the entire time, green orbs never leaving its massive form. It wasn't a natural Green-leaf shower. It seemed denser, angry, with rage that would never be fully unleashed.
A loud crack of thunder echoed in the air, and her ears folded back at the menacing noise. Almost like several badgers all roaring in anguish at the same time. A distant raven cawed a warning for the incoming weather, and she spotted its dark shadow flitting through the sky and away from the clouds as it dove for quick cover and safety.
However, her gaze left the bird and returned to the potential danger only minutes away. The distant sky lit up with a bright, explosive light, and she knew undoubtedly that it was lightning.
A low drumming seemed to sound repeatedly until the view ahead grew blurred. Rain was pouring down like hailstones, thick and heavy, each drop sending a sharp stinging pain through the she-cat's white pelt. It slid down her fur, drenching her almost instantly as the storm advanced upon Shadowclan in thick, rolling waves of hate-filled water and noise.
Another slam of thunder, a bolt of fire through the sky, and rain. Endlessly, it washed down. Yet still, the she-cat sat still. The earth seemed to quake after each clap of thunder, and she knew that it wouldn't be long before one of the towering cypress trees beside her would be stricken by white light and would go crashing to the ground. But that was what she wanted. As quickly as the storm could end the entire forest if it desired, she wished to end her life now.
She had calculated everything perfectly. The storm was heading towards her at a 90 degree angle. The wind was blowing it straight at her, so the lightning would be shooting forwards like an electric filled plow, with spikes of death. Forks prepared to stab into any victims.
Closing her eyes, she sighed, waiting for her imminent fate.[/maroon]

[~Hawktail~]

Padding through the trees, a tabby watched from afar with pale green eyes. Loud thunder a bright fire lightening cracked and flashed, causing the dark furred she-cat to shrink back and look fearfully up at the sky. Forcing herself forward, heavy paws trekked forwards. A figure came into sight and Hawktail sped for cover, the scent of rain masking hers. Watching carefully, she saw it was her Clanmate. She saw the sky swell up, about to take another bolt of fire to the cats below. Then, calculating, Hawktail gasped as she realized that the bolt was aimed at her Clanmate.

Dashing from her hiding spot, Hawktail leaped into the air and planted two paws on the shoulder of the cat, shoving her down in time to just have the strike barely singe Hawktail's tail fur. "What are you doing?" she cried. "You know that was going to hit you! What is your problem?" Without waiting for any answers, Hawktail grasped her Clanmate by her scruff, and dragged her into the safety of the trees. Thunder split the air, louder than all the others, and Hawktail crouched down with a shriek of terror. Standing back up of shaky paws, Hawktail glared at the cat before her, dim light catching her eyes and making them glow. "What was going through your mind back there? Were you trying to kill yourself?" Hawktail stood over her and awaited her answer.

[Barketh]

[maroon]Green orbs falling on the incoming strike, she felt a sense of brief terror and then relief. Her suffering would all be over in seconds. Something hit her, and the impact sent her slamming hard into the ground. Her first instincts told her it was the lightning having shocked her, but she felt only the small pain of having hit her shoulder on the ground. Eyes widening as she realized that the fire had passed, she felt a heavy weight dragging her into the trees, and she was filled with anger frustration.
Great! I was so close too!
Sliding in the mud, she was finally released.
White fur stained with murky brown, she struggled upright in the wet ick, emerald eyes piercing as she stared at the cat who had foiled her plans. It was Hawktail, her clanmate and fellow warrior. Clearly, the cat was much more terrified of the storm than she herself was, and she didn't understand why everyone was so against accepting their fate.
The she-cat's words numbed her blood, but she knew they were true, and her face and eyes remained blank and emotionless.
"Yes, glad it took you so long to figure out. And you shouldn't have stopped me."
For a minute, she considered attacking the cat to compensate for her ruining her suicide preparation, but she knew that the warrior would never kill her.
If I want to die in battle, it'll have to be with a Rouge, or a really mean loner.
Not even considering anything else at the moment, her eyes glared bitterly at the cat in front of her, almost accusing the she-cat for saving her life.[/maroon]

[~Hawktail~]

"Shouldn't have stopped you?" Hawktail screeched. Was this cat insane? Hawktail, being an ex-rouge, didn't care much about hurting her Clanmate. Lifting a paw, Hawktail brought it down, cuffing an ear, hard. "Why were you trying to commit suicide? What is going through your head right now?" Hawktail released her grip on the ear and put the paw on the cat's chest. "Well?" she commanded, pushing her paw down slightly.

[Barketh]

[maroon]Hissing softly as the she-cat pinned her by the ear not-so gently, she glared up at the cat, green eyes narrowed with fire as sharp as a bramble's thorns.
"Oh, wouldn't you like to know. However, the last time I checked, cat's have thoughts so that they can have some privacy within their own mind. Don't try entering my head, you'll find it much more frightening than this storm."
She snarled, shoving the she-cat's paw away and sitting up, tail lashing. Frustrated that her plan was flawed and angry that she couldn't speak of why she desired to end her life, she felt dead inside. For the millionth time, she had failed to end her existence. It had been accidental in the first place, she and the tom she had once called 'brother' had both accepted that. Moons ago, though it hadn't been stated openly, they had both silently agreed in their own ways that no longer were they kin.
Icewreath... That was the warrior name he received at the Gathering. If only he knew how hard it is. He got to start his life all over, fresh and new, with no one hating him because of his past. But me, I didn't succeed. He and Fernpelt have it easy. Friends who know nothing of their half-clan blood, but not me. Because mom was killed by a fox and I was taken back. Back to Shadowclan, where they did know about our heritage.
Cursing under her breath, she realized she had missed her chance as the storm was already drifting past, and she felt an even greater need to sink her fangs into the warrior beside her.[/maroon]

[~Hawktail~]

"Yes, cats do have thoughts; that's where I keep my reason for having to be in the Clans. I am not allowed to return to my old place, and I have yet to tell anyone why," she hissed. Glare matched glare, bright green orbs matched eerie pale green ones.

Setting off a small squeak of surprise as she was shoved away, the dark tabby cat glared at her Clanmate. Sighing softly as she realized that the storm was passing, Hawktail took a deep breath and calmed down, "Okay, let's start over. Why were you trying to make that bolt of lightening hit you? If you don't want to tell me, fine. It's not any of my business." She looked down to study her paws as she waited for the other she-cat to reply.

[Barketh]

[maroon]Though she longed to lash out at the cat, most of her aggression drifted off with the storm. Blinking, she was about to ask the warrior if she was stupid when the cat suddenly changed her tone. Grunting, the white cat held back a grumble and then sat down, ears flicking and green eyes calming to an emerald glow.
"Why? ...... You wouldn't understand anyway. Most cats don't."
She stated simply, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Bringing up one forepaw, she licked mud and rainwater from it before looking up at Hawktail.
"And anyway, why would you care? It's not like it concerns you or anything. If I die, your life won't be affected in any way."[/maroon]

[~Hawktail~]

Hawktail glanced up to glare at her Clanmate. "All of ShadowClan will be effected by your death, not just me," she stated flatly. "And there are things that I know that no one knows about, so you'd be surprised at how much I understand." She brought around her tail and touched the she-cat's paw. "If you don't wanna tell me, fine." Hawktail stood, ready to leave the she-cat.

[Barketh]

[maroon]Narrowing her eyes, Jaywing blinked in something like alarm as the warrior suddenly stood up as if to leave.
"Wait."
The word escaped her mouth before she knew she had said it, and she silently cursed herself for doing so. Standing up, the white cat stared at the warrior before finally sighing reluctantly.
"If I tell you about myself, you'll know I expect to hear about you too. I'm actually surprised that you don't know, though. Most of Shadowclan do."
She meowed, hoping somewhere in her sub-conciense that Hawktail would stay.[/maroon]

[~Hawktail~]

Hawktail smirked slightly as Jaywing told her to wait but the smirk fell as fast as it had came when she heard 'you'll know I expect to hear about you too.' Hawktail's pale green eyes narrowed. "Fine, but I am limiting what I tell you. And I don't associate with the Clan much, so I wouldn't know," she added. She turned back around and sat in front of Jaywing, curling her tail around her paws. She glanced at her Clanmate as she awaited her telling.


OOC:: ...Museless...

[Barketh]

[maroon]Blinking, the she-cat shrugged and waited for the warrior to settle down.
"Alright, well, I might be conservative too, then."
Green eyes dared the she-cat to object, but they didn't hold their gaze for long before she spoke again.
"I was born in Shadowclan with my brother and sister. Our father was a Riverclan cat, and all of Shadowclan knew we were half-clan. My mother decided to grant us freedom from the shame she'd brought on us, so she took us one night out into the forest. She dropped off my sister in Thunderclan, and left my brother in Riverclan. She was going to take me to Windclan, but a fox attacked us and she was killed. Windclan warriors found us and I was taken back to Shadowclan."
She meowed flatly, her voice lacking in any emotion as she stated her story stone-cold, as though it were melting ice cream just beggining to drip over the cone's sides.[/maroon]

[~Hawktail~]

Hawktail blinked and listened intently while Jaywing told her tale. "What's so bad about being half-clan, anyway? You get special traits, so that sounds awesome to me. It just means you a little different. Not a single hair of it is your fault; it is you mother and father's for getting careless and falling in love," the last sentence quavered slightly at the name of love. "You shouldn't be putting yourself down like this. You have a lot to live for, yet. Don't wreak it." Hawktail flicked her tail and blinked twice. She hoped that what she had just meowed would sink in, and also make her Clanmate too distracted for Hawktail's story. The tabby hated to talk about herself.

Hawktail almost growled as she realized that that probably wasn't going to happen. She waited the she-cat's reply.

[Barketh]

[maroon]Jaywing's claws sank into the ground and she stared at Hawktail for several moments.
"Not so bad? Having cats always watching your back is a living hell. I have to spend every day of my life proving that I'm not going to turn out like my mother. And still, I can't convince myself that I have a purpose when my siblings and I weren't meant to exist in the first place."
Her mind seethed before recalling that Hawktail also had something she was holding back. Green orbs narrowing, the she-cat directly adressed the warrior this time.
"Hawktail, I'm not the only Shadowclan warrior who's blood isn't from one clan. What was your life like before you joined Shadowclan?"
She meowed. She knew Hawktail was not of Shadowclan. She acted differently, and she hadn't hesitated to pin a fellow warrior down before, which obviously meant she didn't pay much attention to the Warrior Code.
But Warrior Code or not, she's just as trustworthy as I am.[/maroon]

[~Hawktail~]

Hawktail heaved a huge sigh. "You're right, I'm not from any Clan. I came from a different forest, and a different group of cats." She averted her eyes to look at her tabby paws. "I... I did something..." she trailed off, not wanting to go further, but she had to hold up her side of the bargain. She shot her eyes back up to look at Jaywing.

"I did something I shouldn't have and got in trouble. They forced me out and I found the Clans, begged to stay, and made this place my new home." She had meowed the 'begged to stay' part fast and quiet. She was almost positive that her Clanmate had heard it though. "My life was simple; I had a lover, a nice home, and a best friend. I'm not sure how my best friend is doing, but my old lover is dead. He... I... Um... He was killed." Hawktail stopped herself from talking so the sorrow wouldn't show in her voice any longer, even though it showed in her eyes like a white spot on a black cat.

[Barketh]

[maroon]Jaywing faintly wondered what crime the she-cat had admitted, and her ears pricked alertly as Hawktail's voice faltered at several parts.
"Then I can imagine it must've been difficult for you to part with them; the loss of your mate and the seperation of a friend."
BLack tail flicking, she sat up straight. She had heard the cat's story, and though she didn't quite fully understand what it was that still troubled her, she had a feeling it related to the crime she had committed. Even if Hawktail was some form or other of a traitor, Jaywing's parents had been the same, and she too would never be fully trusted by anyone.
Not even Icewreath. Because of what I said to him seasons ago. I wonder about Fernpelt though; if she ever thinks about us, or even wonders what happened to the rest of her kin.
Blinking thoughts of her sister away, she spoke again.
"And I am guessing you're previous actions that caused you to be exiled still hang over your head now?"
It wasn't much of a question. She could see the painstaken grief that clouded the warrior like a veil, and it reminded her strangely of the look Icewreath, then Icepaw, had given her when he tried bringing her away from Shadowclan. A look of sorrow and the realization that he no longer had anything or anyone to turn to, just as Hawktail could no longer return to her old home and had had to beg for a place in Shadowclan.[/maroon]